well...this thing just popped in my head.
as you can see above, that was a baby. a sleeping baby.
years by years my number keep counting. from baby, we got into phase by phase...which mean i'm getting older. like a tradition for most people, we celebrated our birthday.
well....,it was not i never had one in my entire life, it just i'm not the type of celebrating birthday. if people say hi!happy birthday! i gonna be "owh ..okay thank you!! :D". and i just smile ,taking picture. stuffed food in my stomach. follow the flows.
(just my personal view) celebrated a birthday sometimes make me feel like "owh..uwmm, i feel like i celebrated my death counting number" .
when someone say " wahhhh, selamat hari lahir. umur dah meningkat!.semoga bahagia.!' the contradiction ---> "wahhhh, makin cepat nak mati. " quite eerie right. make me felt ghastly everytime.
but, that is life. we born to die. the thing is why i write something like this =='..
leave it at that, actually what i'm going to write is when i saw the baby , i always wondering about my mom.
did she like me better when i was a kid? or a growns up?
i bet when i was a kid she hope i grow up faster. but when i grow up did i failed her?
i think i make her quite upset lately. not just lately, maybe always.
i am bad in so many thing and try to be good in so many things . when i fall, i believed , i'm my own savior. i always get up. if i can't , i will force myself to get up. life is not to be waste by dwelling with the past.i have so many hateful in this life. i also have so many thing that i cheerish in this life.
but however , i did have a fear in lot of things.
and, my biggest fear was being a failure. not to anyone. but to her. to my mother.
she was strong women .